Is it just me, or are we all all great at picking up red flags in our friends’ relationships and terrible at spotting them in our own love interests? Especially when it comes to finding red flags in your partner’s past relationships — sure, they might talk about their ex like they’re a fire-breathing dragon, but they would never talk about you that way… At least, that’s what we tell ourselves.
Then, when a rocky relationship inevitably comes to an end, we’re left with a million people saying “I told you so,” and, “There were so many signs!” But here’s the challenge: How do you differentiate between a minor character flaw or past mistake and a signal that someone is going to be an unfaithful or distrustful partner?
One area to examine with a fine-toothed comb, as mentioned, is their past relationships. And no, I don’t just mean stalking their exes’ prom pictures on Instagram. Look at the patterns they have or have not fallen into, the way they speak about their exes, and their ability to own up to and learn from their past mistakes.
There’s so much to consider and unpack when it comes to finding red flags in a partner’s past, so I spoke with licensed marriage and family therapist to find out exactly what you should be looking out for (and what you can quit stressing about!). Here are four red flags that suggest a potential partner might not make the best SO, based on their past relationships.