1. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a supermodel?
Nothing—if the pregnant woman’s partner knows what’s good for them.
2. How do you win an argument?
Be pregnant. That’s it! You’re done.
3. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen knocked up?
He forgot to wrap his whopper!
4. I’m 20 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he graduates college.
5. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
6. The more pregnant I get, the more strangers smile at me. Why?
Because you’re fatter than they are, obviously.
7. What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?
Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.
8. How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.