I don’t care if the person your with makes you so lovesick that you can’t breathe without them. If you can’t trust them, you can’t be in a relationship with them. Trust is essential to healthy relationships. Without trust, you live a life of worry and hurt. Do you want to spend your days with the gut-twisting worry that comes with a shady partner? It’s no way to live. Trust can be a goal. It can be something you work on and get better at over time. So sometimes a lack of trust (especially in the beginning) doesn’t mean you have to end things. But you have to get there at some point — regardless of how much you love them.
Have you ever had or witnessed this conversation? “They’re such a jerk.” “Why do you stay with them?” “Because I love them.” I have. Most of the time, it was in the context of unhealthy behaviors. I don’t want to shame people who feel like love is the most important thing (because it is absolutely important), but I do want to let people know that love is not a justification for abuse or disrespect. You can love people who are bad for you, and who can’t be in your life.
Are you safe in your relationship? If the answer is “no,” then it doesn’t matter even a little bit how much you love the person. The love may make it harder to leave, and harder to stay away, and that’s a real struggle. But love itself won’t make a partner who is abusing you stop. Love won’t save you from injury or death. No amount of love is worth your life. And FYI, abuse is never your fault, and if you need someone to talk to or to help you make an escape plan, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.